It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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