Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
pray to the hookup gods
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
