sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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