Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
