he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
