Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
