This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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