the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
They are going to name an STD after you.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
