One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
