I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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