THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Girls should come with a carfax report
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
