I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
