Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
