1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
