Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
