i don't like sucking hair
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
