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• (614): View more from Ohio

  So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  ...yea

  (614): View more from Ohio

  She's valid.

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• (310): View more from California

  LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.

  (310): View more from California

  And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.

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• (408): View more from California

  He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand

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• (818): View more from California

  Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.

  (818): View more from California

  And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves

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• (425): View more from Washington

  We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.

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• (514): View more from Quebec

  I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.

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• (864): View more from South Carolina

  You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren

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• (204): View more from Manitoba

  I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!

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