Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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