im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
We need to get me chipped asap
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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