Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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