do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
