tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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