I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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