Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just pee around me
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
