shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
