He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
If that was your dad, he is hot
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
so much tequila, so little girl.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
