girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
