YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
