idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
