I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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