I think my fart just growled at me.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
