you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
