she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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