yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
