so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
