Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
