I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
