I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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