Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
