remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
