Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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