her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
