Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
