So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
