I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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