you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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