Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Pants are for mortals
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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