I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
