Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
