just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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